Blog / News from Bev

How to Go from Fear to Fearless

Date : March 1, 2016

I expect nothing.I fear no one.I AM FREE.-Have you ever admired someone, wishing you had the confidence to be like them? What’s stopping you? Most likely you’re saying ‘I’m scared’, or ‘I don’t have the money’, or ‘I don’t have the brains’ excuses. But, if you dig beneath the surface, you’ll discover that the base is fear.

Fear prevents you from reaching your highest potential, but it also creates relationship issues. A ‘people pleaser’ is fearful of not being liked, and a codependent is needy, because they’re afraid of letting go. If you’re afraid of getting hurt, you’ll stay distant or put on airs, or stay in bad jobs and relationships, fearing what’s out there could only be worse. If you’re a fear-based person, you believe the negative story you’re telling yourself and although there’s no fact to your narrative, you won’t test it out.

When you’re fearful, you worry. You create anxiety and stress because of the obstacles you put in your way. You become negative and envious, watching other people moving on with their lives, but you have the power to put that behind you.

Follow these self-help tips and start freeing yourself from fear:

1) Look Within: A child is fearless. You’ve discovered, as you traveled along the road of life, that certain people, situations and things can hurt you. Ask yourself, what messages you received in childhood. Were you encouraged or prevented from taking risks, traveling or developing new skills? Catch yourself when you notice your old patterns and challenge them. Before long, you’ll notice, that you can handle a lot more than you ever thought you could.

2) Stop Prophesizing: Your fear can create the very situation that you’re concerned about in the first place. For example, if you’re worried that your partner will leave you, you may be overly clingy and possessive to prevent that. Your behavior can upset the other person to such an extent, that they create the distance that you’ve been trying to avoid. You can unintentionally create a self-fulfilling prophecy.

3) Don’t Avoid: Whatever you don’t want to do is exactly the thing you MUST do. I have a client who will do almost anything to avoid speaking in public – a task he is called on frequently to do. Although he’s an excellent speaker, avoiding it puts him in a Catch22 situation he builds so much anxiety around the speaking engagement, that the task becomes even harder. If you don’t like what you know you must do, accept your feelings, but confront the task. You don’t have to ‘like’ everything you do. Creating fear around a situation will only make it worse.

4) Expectations: Your thoughts trigger emotions. For example: If you’re a person who loves ice -skating, you will think of it as fun. If you fear it, your thoughts jump to the conclusion that it’s not safe; that you’ll fall, break a leg and end up in the hospital. Fear catapults your emotions from 0 to 100 in a nanosecond. If you have realistic expectations, it’s highly likely that you’ll experience good results.

5) Power: Time and time again I ‘ve heard people say: “I wish I didn’t have to”¦. or “I wish I was the type of person who”¦.” and when I ask why they don’t do what they wished for the response is: “I’m scared”. During your lifetime, you’ve lived and you’ve learned. You have more power and abilities than you know, but you don’t believe it. Stop wishing and fearing and start acknowledging your strengths.

Give yourself positive affirmations and challenge yourself when you feel fearful. The more new tasks you take on, the more powerful you’ll become and before long, you’ll create and a new fearless narrative for your life.

“There’s nothing to fear, but fear itself,” Franklin D. Roosevelt

And that’s the truth!

I hope you find these tips helpful and I’d love to hear from you.
For a free ½ hr. conversation call and ask me what I can do for you.

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Written by

Beverley Glazer MA., ICCAC., is an eternal optimist, who in addition to coaching and giving women empowerment to unleash their personal and professional strengths, is a therapist, addiction specialist, speaker and consultant, for over 26 years.